..:-~*..Natalie..*~-:.. (undniabldilemma) wrote,

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Sex is so pointless.

I dont know why I do it. I mean, its just sex. It really means nothing.

I have the lowest self esteem ever. EVER. So, when someone wants to have sex with me, drunk or not, I think, "hell they might really like me." So then I have sex with them, and then its like "wow, whadya know, they DONT like me." But the strange thing is, I dont want them to like me. If they did, I'd feel uncomfotable and not be able to handle it.

This one guy, b****, we had sex. He ended up really liking me. Like a lot, he wanted to go out and shit. But NO, I have this problem where I like someone, and then, as soon as they like me, I dont like them anymore. WTF is up with that.

I had sex with b**** again the other night. Woo hoo. Yay. Not. Nothing exciting at all, and to tell you the truth, it wasnt that good anyways.

So today, I have sex with this guy m***. YES WOW WHAT A SLUT THIS NATALIE GIRL IS. i know thats what ur saying in your head. But you can kiss my ass, because I dont care what none y'all think about me. At least this m*** guy was better.

So now these chicks roll up in here (im at a friend's) and they're like "how long have you been here?" and im like "just today" and they're like "well, i just wanna know if you had sex with b**** today so we can change the sheets."

WOW. That was quite a mother fucking confidence builder right there...

I think they like me, so I fuck them. Then, theres two final outcomes. 1) they like me and i dont want them. 2) they dont like me and i get my feelings hurt. And sometimes, theres even a third, 3) they like me, i turn them down, then get hurt when they flirt with other girls.

I just found out recently this b**** guy is a major slut. wow, im stoked now.

and this m*** dude, at least he fucking had a girlfriend for two and half years and they broke up yesterday. for ONE, that means he's not a big slut. and then theres the other hand, where, he DOENST LIKE ME. hes on the rebound.

Why do i even have this sex thing? I dont understand the big deal of it. I want it so bad sometimes, but when I get it, I fucking hate it. I dont get it, I dont get what is so great about it. I only have thought it was great twice. now ones in the navy, and the other one was in the army then he went awol and psycho and yeah.

I sure can pick em.

Why do I gotta be such a slut like that. I hate the way I live my life. I gotta get shit back on track, I HATE THIS ALL.

Oh yeah, today my mom's boyfriend kicked me in the shin. It bruised instantly and it was hit so hard i almost passed out. I hate that asshole. oh yeah, and then I hit it later again today. :( OW. I hate it.

shit. i also woke up today with my first hangover. my friend c***** (whom I also slept with thank you very much and he said he liked me but he was drunk, and then he went and freaked cuz i slept with b**** instead of him and broke my cell phone and b****'s $350 pool stick and cried... but thats another story) said that you get hangovers when you drink sweet alcohol. that makes sense. i always drink beer, or vodka, or shit like that. then i drink like 10 smirnoff ice's and wake up feeling like an elephant is doing ballet on my temples.

this bullshit 99 apples shit from tonight. that shit is SWEET. and i dont mean "i love it its so awesome wow tight totally cool" i mean its like a fucking gallon of sugar with a little alcohol and apple flavor. i drank... six sips of my cranberry juice/99 apples mix. now i have a major headache, and that was only from about 3 hours ago.

SHIT this hurts.

Oh yeah, my nose hurts too. I need some goddamn coke to numb it. I'm fucked up so bad. I need a goddamn job, and I need $4.10 so that I can buy some goddamn bleach and get my hair back to normal so I dont seem like a big phatty freak wherever i go.

ACK! Those bitches are sleeping in the bed I claimed! looks like another uncomfortable night (last night was a ground and lots of big phat rocks- camping.) on the couch. I WANNA CRY and this goddamn aspirin isnt working.

those fucking whores. i am gonna sue tylenol.

i just never wanna have sex ever again, until its with someone I can trust. i want my jakey baby. i love you my jermiah jake.
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